MAY 5, 1995 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 27

BIG TIPS

It's never too early to talk with your new beau

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Spring is finally here, with green leaves and flowers. In honor of its real arrivalnevermind the calendar-I've hung my porch swing and rainbow flag back up, put my house plants out on the railing, and am now ready for the season of lemonade and peoplewatching.

Dear Ms. Martone:

I met this guy on February 22. They way we met is unusual. A friend put an ad in a local paper and he answered. He called one night looking for my friend, and I was curious about his voice. My friend had someone else and told me if I wanted to talk to him I could do so. So he and I talked for a long time. When we met, we immediately developed a strong physical and emotional bond. We are still seeing each other.

He has given me a business card with his office phone number on it. I have talked to a very good straight friend of his whom he has known for several years. He is everything I could want in a lover; he has a wonderful sense of humor, he's intelligent, and we enjoy each other intimately. But, he told me when we first met that he allows himself three personal ads a month. I am wondering if he's continuing to answer them.

Another problem is that he doesn't go out after he gets off from work. He stays home every night. He said that he has to have medication to go out. I recently invited him to an event and he was going to go, but then said he was worried about embarrassing me. He even had to take medication to relax himself just to go to his parents' house on Easter. I will be meeting his friends soon; should I ask him when is he going to meet my friends? He also has a drinking problem. He has

told me the reason he drinks is to deal with the stress of his job and family. Since we've been seeing each other for a short time, do I have the right to discuss this with him in more detail?

Also, when we are making love, he tells me that I have a big penis, that he has never seen one that big, and it scares him. My penis is average, but his saying this makes me anxious, and I lose my erection. I tried to tell him this, but he forgets about it by the next day. Should I tell him to stop saying that, or say nothing at all? I have never had this problem, and am seriously contemplating seeing my doctor.

I'd just like to know, is this the right time for me to ask him these questions, or should I just let it go on until I feel the time is right? I understand that there is no such thing as a perfect man or relationship. I look at the good and bad points and see if I can accept and accommodate all of them. Only if he's willing to work on the problems, then I will help him. If not, then that's fine also. I know I am not perfect, so why should I expect that in someone else? Please, if you could give me some advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Emotional,

Emotional

It's spring and you're in love... how wonderful. It's good to hear that you're thinking about how to communicate your concerns and support around your companion's problems, because it sounds like there are some sizable stones in the flower bed of your affection, and it'll probably take lots of conversation to keep this love thing going.

It's not too early to talk with him about anything, except perhaps adopting a child or

a temperamental cat. Ask him if he's still answering or placing personal ads: if you just assume you both have the same position on monogamy, you could be in for major heartbreak on down the pike. One person's exclusive dating situation is another's single bootyball in the juggling act of polyfidelity. Since you've been together for two months, it's time to find out if he's “dating" other folks, but if he is, it may be too early to ask for a commitment to monogamy. And some folks just don't operate on assumption that they'll ever be dating just one person. Please note that this is where the importance of having safer sex comes in. Love is not a viral barrier.

He must trust you: you've been to his home, you have his work number, and have met his best friend, and he seems to be open about his drinking problem with you. It would be wonderful if you could encourage him to attend A.A., but if that's not something he's ready for, you should definitely get your fanny down to an Al-Anon meeting, because if you're going to be spending time with him and lovin' him up, his drinking is going to affect your life, and your life together. This is the time to learn how other people in similar situations have dealt with them, and to build up some skills so you don't get sucked into his sickness. You can't save anyone else, but you can take care of yourself, so head into this with your eyes wide open, okay? I don't know what his whole medication story is, but the drinking is probably why he's afraid of embarrassing you. Tell him now that you want him to meet your friends. If you don't tell him, he might be afraid that you're embarrassed of him.

There are a lot of guys who would get rock hard over someone oohing and aahing over their big, big dick, but if it makes you nervous, of course it makes you wilt. He prob-

ably just likes to talk dirty, and if the cock talk leaves you cold, he could praise other assets of yours. Talk to your hon about this when you're not having sex, and if he can't remember when you're doing it, remind him. It's obviously to his advantage, too, that he work on this.

It sounds like you have realistic expectations for a relationship. Just remember that his drinking problem sets you up with one big task, which is taking 100 percent of the responsibility for your emotional and physical health. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for both of you.

Dear Big Tipper,

My lover and I are having a fight. She is the kind of person who showers every morning, then does her hair, and it looks great every time. When I wash my hair and do it, it looks funny, and never seems to look really great until the third or fourth day after I bathe. So, I've been taking a shower only once a week, because then I look the best. Of course, I don't smell like a rose by the end of the week, but I work outdoors, so it's not like I'm in a stuffed up office. My lover says this is gross, and doesn't want to be intimate with me, basically, after every Wednesday or Thursday. I think she's being mean since it's so easy for her to have great hair. Help!

Stylish Stinker

Dear Hair For the Duration, Jeez Louise! Get a shower cap.

Information requests shall utilize Form D-92 and must be submitted in triplicate— naaah, just send your questions, in any form, to the Big Tipper, at P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, 44101, or fax to 216-631-1082, or E-mail to ChronOhio@aol.com.

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